Ajeet Jokes.

Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.

Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.
Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert: Magar kyoon baas ?
Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert: Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert: Yes Boss.
Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare
kabze mein hai .......
Scene: Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.
Ajeet: Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal tho, agar Shame se nahi mara
to Pain se mar jayega.

Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do. Timer ko
teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez
hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko
panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly
fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area
hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska
dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge
to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"
Ajeet: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit
bhi jayega
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter: Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet: Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies...
Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do
ghadi ka mehman ho jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...
Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare
door birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
(cheverlett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...
Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene
nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.

Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein
ticket dete-dete thak jayega.
Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !
Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be !
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish
bhi aa jaayegi.

Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko
Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole
and water starts coming inside. Raabert is perplexed !
Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out
lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale
jayega !!
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet: Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala hain.....
A pause.....
Tum chootti le lo.
Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss".....
Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter....
Raabert: boss or doosre ka ?
Ajeet: Repeater.
Scene: Raabert had triplet and comes to the "Boss".....
Raabert: Boss, mera teen bachche ka keya naam shoche hein aap?
Ajeet: Ek Naam rakhkho, Peter, Repeater aur Wang Chung.
Raabert: Teesra ka naam "Wang Chung" kiu boss???!!!
Ajeet: Beokuf, tumhe malum nehi...is prithwi me paida hone waalaa har
teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
Raabert: Stool, boss ?
Ajeet: Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.
Scene: Ajeet get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet go for shikar...Raabert spots a peacock...
Raabert: Boss....more.. more...
Ajeet picks up the peacock, shoots it and says...
Ajeet : Nomore !
Robert: Bass is gaddar ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : ise sui chubho chubho kar mar daalo... pulees samjhegi sui-cide
hua hai.
Peter: bass yeh aadmi to kuchh boal hee nahin rahaa...
Ajeet: Ise revolving chair pe bitha do, pataa to lage chakkar kya hai.
Ajeet: Mona, tum Toni se shaadi mat karnaa, bahut mona-toni ho jaegi.
Ajeet: Raabert, dayna (Diana) ko kuch khatta pila do.
Robert: kyu boss ?
Ajeet: Bewkoof, woh dayna se daynasour ho jayegi, phir extinct kar dena.

AJIT: "Mona daarrling, tum nahane jao. Michael tum bhi saath
jao. Aur mere King Cobra ko lekar uske daanth ki safai bhi kar
do."
"Mona daaling, tum Tony ke saath math jao. Agar jaogi to tum,
MonaTony ho jaogi. Lisa ke saath jao aur MonaLisa ban jao. Lisa
daaarrling. Come here baby. Abhey Micheal, idhar aa jao. In
babiyon ko lekar apne estate bungalow pahuncho."
AJIT: "Raabert, isko Great Wall of China le jaakar phansi mein laga do,
great 'wall hanging' ban jayegi"
AJIT: "Is ex-Miss India ko Middle East lekar maar daalo. Marne
ke baath bhi will not rest in peace. Nahin to Hemendra Godbole
ka crossword puzzle ka anagram clue de do, uska 'real fun' se
'funeral' ho jayega."
AJIT: "Shut up Raabert, main sub jhanta hoon. Magar I wanted to
get it straight out of the horse's mouth. Ha ha haa. Yeh dekho
--- 'dishooom' 'disshhooom' --- bechara Billoo mar gaya.
Raabert, Yeh hai the actual horse's 'mauth'."
AJIT: "Magar Raaaabert, mard aur mouse mein ek pharak hai"
RAABERT: "Woh kyaa hai baaaasss ?"
AJIT: "Kuch mardon ko 'Mousiji' hoti hai, magar mouse ko
kabhi 'mardji' nahin hoti."
Robert iss kuttay ko microprocessor may daal do !
Bit by bit mur jaaya gaa saala!
Robert iss harami ko liquid oxygen may daal do !
Liquid issay jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi day gaa!
Robert, Dayna (Diana) ko thoda khatta khila do, yeh
dayna se daynasour bhi ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi...
Robert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey,
phir pane sey mar jayegaa...
Robert, isey peekak paisan pila do, yeh more sey
no-more ho jayegaa...
Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do,
nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee...
"Robert, Harshad Mehta the Bull ka stool test karaao"
"Kyon boss?"
"Pata to chale akhir ye Bullshit kya hota hai"
Ajit: Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do.
Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket
kaat-ta reh jaayega.
Maikal: Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen ?
Ajit: Ise revaalving chair mein daal do.
Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.
Robert: Boss , Sona kahan hai ? ( Where is the Gold ? )
Ajit: Kahin par bhi so jao Robert !!
(Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)
Robert: Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya
Ajit: Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do.
Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert: Par sui kyon, baass!
Ajit: Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua hai!
Robert: Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon?
Ajit: Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Maikal,
aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu.
Robert: Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon?
Ajit: Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai!
(Scene - Ajit thoroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.)
Ajit: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Robert: Magar kyoon baas ?
Ajit: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajit: Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur
debugger istarrt kar do.
Robert: Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajit: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajit: Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Robert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.
Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.
Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Robert: Yes Boss.
Ajit: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards,
tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......
(Scene - Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.)
Ajit: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is kutte ko usse bandh do.
Timer ko theek das baje set kar do.
Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai.
Iski maut bhi late honi chahiye. Timer ko panch minute late rakh do.
Arre, Robert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh
mat rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha.
Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega.
Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhadkega.
Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup'
suanaai dega ..."
(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
Ajit: "Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,
saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.
Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajit: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
Ajit: "Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin degi.
(Scene - Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs
a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !)
Robert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
Ajit: Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN
aur doosre me OUT likh do. Ek hole se paani ander aayega
aur doosre se bahar chala jayega !!
(Scene - Ajit get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
Ajit: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath
mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajit: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi
to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Here is another contribution:
Scene: Ajit is leering at a girl who happens to be
the sister of one of the extras.
Extra: ``Saab bechaari goongi hai.''
Ajit: ``are hum kahaaN usse ramayan padhvaane jaa rahe haiN.''

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